Thursday, February 22, 2018

The Science of Relations :: Lessons from my Seven-Year-Old Son


As I read about Perseus finding Andromeda chained to a rock beside the sea a few months ago, Xavier was sitting on his hands, practically jumping out of his seat. As soon as I paused for narration, he yelled, "I know this! I know this!" And he ran to get D'Aulaires' version from the shelf and flipped right to this page.

This happens daily. It is now so much a part of our routine that we laugh over it. I have started taking photos of the books side-by-side every time he brings them to me.

Apparently he spent years looking at storybooks, not yet able to read them, studying these pictures and wondering about the stories behind them. And now, as he's listening, he's meeting old friends, hearing names for the illustrations he keeps in his mind.


My other kids have not been so insistent on sharing their connections with me, or so visual in their memory. He has these images that have become part of him and this pressing need to make those relationships tangible by showing them to me there on the page. He will pull a book he read months ago, knows exactly where it is on the shelf and what page the picture is on.

Sometimes the connection is obvious: the children on the back of the Golden Ram above, for example. Sometimes it's less so: as I'm reading about the "black stones" the Chinese were mining in Marco Polo, he runs to get Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day. "You're remembering something from Richard Scarry?!" I ask him. Sure enough, coal!


Sometimes the images aren't an exact match--just a detail that in his mind connects the two (or three or four!) stories. These are actually the most interesting to me.  When your seven-year-old son starts to form relationships among Greek mythology, Shakespeare, and classic fairy tales all in one breath, you stop and pay attention. You marvel at how a child's mind that is fed on the meat of narrative, poetry, myth--vitality in its many linguistic forms--responds when he has time to lie fallow and space to consider.


These juxtapositions are snapshots of his brain. Or his heart, since they are obviously working together as he validates affinities and grows in knowledge and in care. It's quite an honor to be invited into our kids' souls, isn't it?


Watching this play out day in and out with multiple children at multiple ages, how all these readings intersect and intertwine until this thing we call a curriculum is far bigger than any pile of books or list of assignments, it strikes me that this is the Science of Relations made clear in the daily--in these books set side by side and the young student who placed them there in front of me.

As Mason says herself, this principle is the underpinning of the whole philosophy, the "captain idea," the very definition of education: relationship. It is what leads one to virtue in act and wisdom in thought. How much he cares.

This particular son is not yet an expert narrator. He's in second grade and still building those skills. But I can tell quite clearly in these moments that there are relationships forming that he isn't yet able to express.



While it's true that when Mason used the term "Science of Relations," she was referring primarily to the relationships a student builds with books (and things and people) and not to the connection between books themselves. But I think harping on such a distinction oversimplifies the matter.


Because the process of education doesn't end there, with a child connecting with a book. The book becomes part of the child, and then another book becomes part of the child, and then both books are connected through the child knowing them.

As Mason says, "A small English boy of nine living in Japan, remarked, 'Isn’t it fun, Mother, learning all these things? Everything seems to fit into something else.' The boy had not found out the whole secret; everything fitted into something within himself." (Volume 6, p. 156-157)



The whole secret is that it's a matter of timing, in the end. 

She is warning us that we don't have to present a carefully-constructed curriculum of connected ideas to make sure our children can learn. Their building those connections themselves is their education. That's not our job as teachers; in fact, it would be overstepping our bounds.



But when books change us, we're primed to see "echoes" in the next books to come. And so the books are connected--through the learner and the mind-work he has done. Everything does fit into something else. Everything also fits into him.

 It is a web, not a string, of relationship, with the learner right there in the middle.


When he brings me these pictures, I can't help but feel they represent those lines from Wordsworth that Mason liked so well:
"An intellectual charm; that calm delight
Which, if I err not, surely must belong 
To those first-born affinities that fit
Our new existence to existing things"


This is delightful to watch unfold.


24 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness!! I just love this! What a sweetie, and what amazing connections! Thank you so much for taking the time to give us a window.

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    1. He really is a sweetie. Love seeing his mind working!

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  2. That is amazing! This rarely happens with my 7yo son.

    And to comment on your picture in a previous post, Damien is such a cutie! I have a little girl one month older than he, and she is trying just as hard as she can to learn to crawl, but still hasn't got it. Not mobile in the least, yet. In her defense, I will say that she's been handicapped the last month because I was in the hospital with my dad and didn't feel comfortable setting her down on the floor, and the room was usually too full of my other family members to set her on a blanket on the bench. But I don't mind. So far, our other three have learned how to crawl and walk and talk and all that good stuff, so I'm reasonably certain she'll follow suit. :-

    I love reading your posts.

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    1. This rarely happened with my other kids also! My three older ones are all more verbal, and my older two always had really involved, extensive narrations. This son has shorter narrations but then he brings me these pictures afterward, and I can see the sparks obviously firing in his mind. So interesting how it comes out for different children in different ways.

      Damien is an anomaly -- he is just super determined to walk! I have had several like that. But I have had others who were more chill about the whole process too. And usually the latter is a tad easier because they don't get into as much trouble! ;)

      Thank you for taking the time to comment here, Sabriena. I hope your dad is okay. I'll pray for his recovery.

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  3. Celeste - I see the same things happening with my sons and nothing gratifies me more for their sakes. In those moments, I always think, Yes, this is the fruit. Thanks be to God!

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    1. It is SO wonderful to see those connections just blossom in our kids, whenever and however it happens! Deo gratias indeed!

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  4. Celeste, this is one of my most favorite posts of yours! I love it! Such a beautiful thing to be apart of, is it not? :)

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  5. Celeste, I think this may be the best post you've ever written. And you have written many fabulous posts!! The weaving in and out of CM's words and such a clear understanding of her philosophy is a gift to all of us, my friend. As are the opportunities you provide us for how this works out in your home on a practical level. I am so blessed by your insights, wisdom, and friendship. If only CA and MD were not so far apart!!

    In particular, the following section really spoke to me:

    "It's quite an honor to be invited into our kids' souls, isn't it?

    Watching this play out day in and out with multiple children at multiple ages, how all these readings intersect and intertwine until this thing we call a curriculum is far bigger than any pile of books or list of assignments, it strikes me that this is the Science of Relations made clear in the daily--in these books set side by side and the young student who placed them there in front of me.

    As Mason says herself, this principle is the underpinning of the whole philosophy, the "captain idea," the very definition of education: relationship. It is what leads one to virtue in act and wisdom in thought. How much he cares."

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  6. This is beautifully written! What a privilege we have as mama’s & teachers to watch this unfold in our children!

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    1. Absolutely, Heather! Could not be happier that this is the vocation God has called me to. <3

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  7. Thank you for sharing. It really does illustrate the best part of the CM method. I think when I first read/heard "The boy had not found out the whole secret; everything fitted into something within himself." I was sold! The richness of watching that process unfold with my children as it also continues to unfold within me has been the best part of homeschooling (if not mothering)!

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    1. Yes! Watching my children make those slow and steady discoveries, day after day, of how things fit into each other and things fit into them is one of my great joys. :)

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  8. Oh I love this! In particular, that you gave some examples of the connections in photos. I’m such a visual person so it encourages me with the feast I’m gathering for my girls and sparks excitement for my own reading as well!

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    1. He is visual in a different way from my other children. It has been so fun to see his personality be brought to bear on our schoolwork!

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  9. Wonderful post! My oldest is just a few months into narration, but seeing those sparks when they happen is truly a delight! I think I’m learning the science of relations in my own learning right alongside my kids. That’s one of my favorite things about this CM as a lifestyle, the family community of learning. So delightful! I was home schooled myself, but by the time I reached high school, I was completely self-directed, so never knew this kind of family community.

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    1. Yes, once you feel it working in yourself, those sparks happening, I think it makes it easier to trust the process with your kids. :)

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  10. "When your seven-year-old son starts to form relationships among Greek mythology, Shakespeare, and classic fairy tales all in one breath, you stop and pay attention." --> this is just amazing! How delightful to see the science of relations at work in your little lad! And what a lot of beautifully illustrated books you have! :)

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  11. So beautiful, Celeste! I think this is one of the most freeing attributes of a CM education: "Their building those connections themselves is their education. That's not our job as teachers; in fact, it would be overstepping our bounds."
    Not having had a teaching background and having my own education disrupted at various times in my growing years, it is very encouraging to know this.

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  13. This is a lovely post Celeste - I too just love it when my kids make connections like this! I find one thing that seems to encourage this line of thought is when we read poetry together - the themes of the poems often remind my kids of stories we've read.

    I actually came to your blog today though, because I wanted to find the photo of the wonderful map you yourself made of the locations in The Book of Marvels. I have been looking and looking and I can't find it! Could you please direct me to the post which showed this? Thank you!

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    1. Here it is, Laura! :) http://joyouslessons.blogspot.com/2017/05/a-school-year-kept.html

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    2. Yippee! :D Thank you for the speedy help, Celeste - I don't know why I couldn't find that post. It was driving me crazy! :)

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